Boy if there is one thing to make you write it is a bit of an emotional crisis…..
So the vibe around here is 100% different today.
As I mentioned before I am not sure why I am not embracing this. I mean, since he made this decision it’s like I finally living with a grown man and not a horny 21 year old frat boy. there is NO pressure about what I am doing at the end of the night. I don’t have to worry about approving porn or not. It’s freakin awesome actually. I think I was/am just hurt about how it all came to be and some of the things that have been said.
So tonight he comes home and says to me, exactly that. He doesn’t understand why I am not embracing this. And why I am not happy that he isn’t cracking that’s what she said lines every five minutes. He said, I’m a guy, I will have to cave eventually.
It almost seems as those what he wants is what I am suggesting…in a weird way. That we are taking a break and starting over. Eventually.
I asked him tonight why he is unwilling to meet me half way on certain things like leaving the lights off. He said b/c of all that goes along with that. I guess that means b/c leaving the lights off means I have baggage??? I don’t know but whatever. I said look, those are the kinds of baby steps I am talking about. Saying that ok, I will get sex, with her on top if I leave the lights off so lets do that, I will earn her trust, let her know that I respect that right now she has issues. If she begins to trust me, to understand that i am not only saying I love her and I respect her, but that I actually do, then we can eventually get the lights on. But to start flipping out everytime she wants the lights off is getting us NO WHERE.
He said he had no idea that is what I was saying.
Are you kidding me?
oye vey.
Well I’ve got to get supper of some kind going before LOST comes on. I am not bringing this up tonight when we go to bed. Maybe for the first time in a few nights i won’t cry myself to sleep. That woudl be kind of awesome.
An another note, I got an email today from a friend from high school. Nope, not the boy. Still waiting for that one. He is kind of worrying me actually. i hope he is ok. But this is from a female friend. This gal and I used to be BFF’s. We had a huge falling out in college, made up, and then another one again after college. We lost touch for a few years then after that but about two years ago got back in touch again via email. Since then we have been ok. Catching up almost right where we left off. We dont’ email as much any more but we do stay in touch. She sent me an email that she and her family (husband, two kiddos, and her mother) will be in my town for some serious shopping this weekend. They will be staying in a hotel for two nights. She wondered if we might get together and or if I could suggest some things for them to do in town with the kids. I can’t tell you how this is stressing me out. As my husband says, dont’ my friends know they are supposed to stay IN my computer? LOL. I am nervous wreck. I mean, we won’t talk about how I can’t think of anything to suggest. What I am worried about is being social. About getting together with her. But the thing is I have known her since we were 13? maybe even 12. It is ridiculous that I shoudl be so stressed. Her oldest boy is 6 and her youngest is 18 mos? so I am sure if I had them all over for dinner or something it would be fine. Fun almost, but the stress of it all is seriously making me want to say i have a trip back home to go to so oh too bad but while she is here I will be there. Ugh. What to do??? How weird am I that I need my friends to stay in my computer? and chick from spanish class don’t worry, I woudl TOTALLY go out with you guys if you were here. Swear.